Tools for Tough Moments: How to Show Up for Someone Who Is Struggling
If someone you care about tells you they are thinking about suicide, it’s normal to feel scared or unsure of what to do next. Most of us were never taught how to handle a moment like this, and the fear of saying the wrong thing can feel paralyzing.
Here’s the most important thing to know: you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be there.
Connection is one of the most powerful protective factors for someone experiencing thoughts of suicide. Feeling heard, seen, and not alone can make a genuine difference in someone’s darkest moments. You don’t need a clinical background or a perfect script. You need a willing heart and a few simple tools.
Be present, patient, and persistent
When someone is struggling, resist the urge to jump into problem-solving mode. What most people need first is simply to feel that someone is truly with them. Put your phone down, make eye contact, and let silence be okay. Patience matters too. Someone in crisis may not open up right away, and that’s okay. And persistent doesn’t mean pushy. It means continuing to show up and letting them know your care isn’t conditional on them getting better quickly.
Mind your body language
How we show up physically communicates just as much as what we say. A calm, open posture signals safety. Sitting beside someone rather than across from them can feel less confrontational. Keeping your expression warm and steady helps the other person feel less alone in what they’re carrying.
Validate and normalize
It takes enormous courage to say out loud that you are thinking about suicide. Honor that. Responses like “I’m really glad you told me” and “you are not alone in feeling this way, more people struggle with these thoughts than you might realize” go a long way. Validation doesn’t mean you agree the situation is hopeless. It means you’re acknowledging that their pain is real and that they don’t have to be ashamed of what they’re feeling.
Reflect fact and feeling
Reflect back what you’re hearing, both the facts and the emotion underneath them. “It sounds like things have been really overwhelming and you’re feeling like there’s no way out” shows someone you’re truly just listening, not waiting for your turn to talk.
Stay humble
You are not the expert in this moment. They are. Stay curious about their specific experience rather than assuming you understand it. Questions like “can you tell me more about what that’s been like for you?” honor the fact that their experience is unique to them. And recognize when it’s time to bring in additional support. Encouraging them to call or text 988 isn’t a failure on your part. It’s one of the most loving things you can do.
You don’t have to have all the answers. Just be there, listen deeply, and keep showing up. For someone struggling with thoughts of suicide, knowing one person is genuinely in their corner can make all the difference.
This month’s tool for a tough moment: if someone shares they are struggling with thoughts of suicide, just listen. Be present, patient, and persistent. Lead with connection. And remember, 988 is always there if you need backup.
If you or someone you know is struggling, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7. Call or text 988.