Tools for Tough Moments: How to be There for Someone
Written by: Michelle Gatewood, Deputy Executive Director of CONTACT Care Line.
Michelle first joined the organization as Clinical Training Manager, where she supported new crisis staff in building the skills and confidence needed to serve callers, texters, and chatters.
Imagine it’s late in the evening and someone you care about is overwhelmed, emotional, pacing, and saying they “can’t do this anymore.” You’re trying to help, but nothing seems to calm the moment. You’re worried about their safety, but unsure whether calling 911 is the right thing to do. Maybe you’re wondering if there’s another option or someone who can help bring calm, listen, and guide the situation in a supportive way.
Stay present
Moments like this can feel heavy and uncertain, especially when you want to help but aren’t sure what the next step should be. In situations like this, one of the most important things you can do is stay present. Speak calmly, listen more than you talk, and focus on helping the person feel heard and not alone. You don’t need to have the perfect words—being there matters.
Call for extra support if you need it
At the same time, it’s okay to recognize when more support is needed. If emotions are escalating, nothing seems to be helping, or you’re becoming more concerned about safety, you don’t have to carry that responsibility on your own. This is a moment when mobile crisis may be able to help.
Reaching out for additional support doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it means you’re responding to the situation with care. Mobile crisis can offer guidance, help stabilize the moment, and support both you and the person you care about in figuring out what comes next.
Remember to care for yourself, too
It’s also important to remember that this support can be for you, too. Trying to help someone in crisis can feel overwhelming, and having backup can make a meaningful difference. You deserve support in these moments just as much as they do.
You don’t have to be completely certain before reaching out. If you’re wondering whether the situation needs more support, that question itself is worth paying attention to. Trusting that instinct can help you take the next right step.
You’re not expected to handle moments like this alone. Support is available, and reaching for it is another steady tool for a tough moment.
What to say (and what not to say) in a tough moment
When someone is overwhelmed, the goal isn’t to fix everything—it’s to help them feel heard, safe, and not alone.
What to say
- “I’m really glad you told me. I’m here with you.”
- “Why are you feeling like this?”
- “That sounds really hard. Do you want to tell me more about what’s going on?”
- “We can figure out the next step together.”
- “I’m here to listen, not judge.”
What not to say
- “It’s not that bad.”
- “Just calm down.”
- “Other people have it worse.”
- “You’ll be fine.”
- “Why are you feeling like this?”
Simple, calm, and supportive language can help lower the intensity of the moment and make it easier for someone to accept help.
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